Embrace Rejection
And turn it into an asset for your growth
A big welcome to new subscribers Nicola, Gail, Harvey, Jacqui, Clark and Guy. Thanks for subscribing, it’s wonderful to be connected in this way.
One of the things I hate - and I'm quite sure most other people feel the same way - is feeling like I've been rejected. I hate it because it makes me feel dumb, unwanted, and invalid. No one wants to feel like that.
I'm sure you're the same.
But, when I experience rejection from someone, is that what the other person was trying to achieve? To negate me as a person? To diminish my whole being? Unlikely. Unless they're a prat, in which case I have no time for them anyway.
Most times we're rejected it's a lot less than the rejection of our whole self.
It's far more likely to be a rejection of our input, idea or offer. That's all. It feels like they're rejecting us personally, but dive deeper and you'll see it's only our contribution that's not accepted.
I believe the wise person can discern this difference and not take offence so easily.
Of course, there can be many reasons for the rejection.
Perhaps our idea wasn't wanted but, in our enthusiasm, we gave it anyway.
Maybe it was OK but wasn't a good fit for the other person's need at this time.
Maybe they have trouble accepting help from others.
Or, it could simply be that they forgot to include you.
And so, you felt rejected.
It would be a pity in these kinds of situations to withdraw from them altogether, to risk losing the relationship. Or to refrain from offering help from now on. Or to go off and complain to someone else about the person in question.
None of these responses is useful, although they might make you feel a bit more powerful again in the short term.
No, we have to be better than that
We're human and humans do dumb things.
So let's accept that reality and see a rejection of our input, idea or offer as simply a rejection of that one thing and nothing more.
And we can learn from being rejected, can't we?
If we examine our tendency to jump in and provide advice we might see that, at times, we speak when words were not what was needed.
If we cut the other person a bit of slack we might see that, in fact, they were really under the pump and just clean forgot.
If we pause and analyse our idea or proposal, we might see that it was either lacking in depth or was not on target as a solution.
In all these cases, if we embrace rejection, and have the attitude of wanting to become a better person as a result, I believe there is gold for us to find.
How Do You Respond to This?
What comes to mind when you feel rejected? Doesn’t feel nice, does it? But try pausing, sitting with it for a minute, and not defending yourself or torching the other person. See what happens over a two-minute period.
If someone previously rejected your/your idea, what if you decided to re-visit that situation and choose to receive it in a more neutral way?
To minimise feelings of rejection, what could a person do differently? In practical terms? Like, think, say, do what?
Final Thought
I’m currently pondering the idea of the value of becoming more free as we go on in Life. Freedom, to me, is internal as well as external. And by that I mean taking steps to recognise the things that hold us back or hold us prisoner in some way. Such as, the perceptions that send us down an unproductive road, the beliefs that colour our experience, and habits that use our time and energy in detrimental or at least less-than-useful ways. To recognise these, gain clarity on a better way, and to then commit to act that way, that’s the freedom I’m talking about.
To paraphrase Braveheart, “Everyone lives, but not everyone lives free.”