Wiser Weekly 28
Lost Between Chapters: Finding Peace in Life's Uncomfortable Middle
I am going through an interesting process called transition. And right now, I’m in the second stage called the liminal zone. That’s the place between the ending of something past and the beginning of something to come.
It’s very important for us all to not only experience change in life but to also transition well. That’s a deeper thing to do and involves resetting the mental map, the expectations, maybe some beliefs, maybe some relationship dynamics, and so on. It’s about recreating your inner life to fit with your outer changes.
The trouble is, it’s uncomfortable, unclear, and somewhat unsettling.
The challenge is, I am learning to articulate to myself what I’m thinking, how it feels, and what it conjures up without also feeling the need to resolve anything yet.
To see, recognise, and name the thoughts and feelings involved in transition is important. We need to know what we’re experiencing. To call it what it is.
But that doesn't mean we have to do anything about it yet. Sitting with it is a key part of detaching from the effect of our thoughts and feelings.
We have them, but they’re not necessarily us.
And therein lies the power.
To see, recognise and accept without being overly affected.
And so, I’m experiencing grief in the closing down of a 25-year career in corporate training and speaking. I’m disappointed that I haven’t managed to successfully evolve something next out of the previous work. I’m experiencing a lack of clarity about what my work will be next and that feels a bit like having matches but not lighting the next fire.
Should I bother to be of value and help in the world? Do I really need to have a contribution? Will it make any tangible difference to me, to anyone?
These are the kinds of questions I am pondering.
I’m trying to come to terms with this self-advice too:
Rob, wherever you are, go there fully. See it. Feel it. Understand it. Accept it, Don’t rush it. It’s where you are, so it’s legitimate.
Sometimes, Go Wider. Sometimes, Go Deeper.
When you feel your life or outlook has become too narrow, or has become restricted due to busyness, habit, or dogma then a suitable approach would be to widen your outlook once again.
You can do that through exposure to new people, different places, books on different topics, new activities, and being willing to make new considerations.
But other times (like for me right now), going wider isn’t helpful. You need to go deeper.
Trouble is, it can feel a bit like the guy in the picture.
Whatever you’re considering right now, are you going deep enough?
You can do that through slowing down, saying no, pausing longer, deleting emails/texts and switching off notifications, asking different questions, thinking before speaking more. Not speaking at all, in some cases. Jotting down your thoughts, not to change them, just to note them.
And then, go deeper again.
If you’re paying attention, you’ll know when it’s time to come back up.
Let Your Life Speak
Everyone has an opinion about nearly everything. Including, who you are and what you should be doing in your life. Your parents, your spouse, your colleagues, your neighbour, the ads on TV, the experts on social media….Sheesh!
In his wonderful little book Let Your Life Speak, author Parker J Palmer talks about the importance of hearing from yourself. That makes sense when you consider that the only person who truly understands you is…you. And even then there’s a lot to learn!
When it comes to clarifying what’s truly important to you, what you value, and maybe what needs to be changed or re-aligned in your life right now, the best place to spend most of your time is with yourself.
Allocate some time, find some place/s, and use some quiet to ponder what’s going on in your life at present.
Let your life speak to you.
What’s it saying right now?
Shout Outs
Thanks to my new subscribers from India and New Zealand this week. Having been to India three times for about 12 weeks in total, I can honestly say it is a real experience to visit there. I’ve become friends with a number of wonderful people as a result. And you cannot go past a good rogan josh!
Thanks once again for being a subscriber.
I hope you have a great week and, as always, if you want to drop me a message I’m very happy to hear from you no matter how short the message or in which format.
Rob