When you look back, what do you see?
An exercise that can help you clarify who you really are
I hope you're well and that this finds you in a good place in yourself and your life.
Firstly though, thank you so much to the few handfuls of people who subscribed to this newsletter for free this week. Go you! We’re off to a good start. :)
You know, one of the benefits of having some years behind you, is that you have a bigger set of stuff to look back on and gain insights from.
I did this recently when I wrote a post for LinkedIn on how I went from being a labourer's assistant in 1996 to coaching c-suite executives by 2012 and beyond. You can read that here if you haven't seen it yet.
As you do this kind of thing, mapping out your journey over time - in this case, regarding how my work has changed - you can then look at what you've written and see patterns. Then you start to notice themes. Then you get realisations, or insights. It's a fascinating exercise.
I mapped out my life’s history to date
I once did this a few years ago on my overall life. I created a kind of timeline using the idea of a game board (one of those ones where you roll the dice and then move your piece forward).
It looks like this:
Again, while it's a longer, more involved exercise, when you step back from it and start to enquire of yourself, "OK, Rob, so what do you see here? What do you notice?" the insights you can gain are fantastic!
Some of them will be almost scary - like what you used to believe 20 years ago versus what you believe now - and others are illuminating - like seeing a theme that was strong in your 20s and 30s but then somehow got buried in your 40s. And now, in your 50s you wonder why and consider how you can breathe life into it again. Into you again.
Here are some of the realisations I had
5 to 12 years - Wrote, acted and told funny stories a lot, my grandparents were my safe place.
12 to 17 years - Boarding school was a godsend, began to love Nature and wilderness.
24 to 34 years - Loved having an audience (radio, teaching courses, big stages), loved producing events, projects and media resources.
After noticing these sorts of things, I then found myself asking, "So, what does that mean? What does that tell you?"
And then, I listened.
As a result, it helped me know myself better, and understand who I truly was. It also became a kind of filter through which I would look at opportunities or upcoming changes and ask myself, "Does this fit with who I really am?"
Very useful.
What about you?
Why not consider making some time to do this, or a version of it, for yourself? If you're looking for clarity, or pondering who the real you is, or are just curious about how you've grown over time, then here's a quick set of instructions:
Set aside a block of time - perhaps an hour to start with. You may very well come back to this many times over as you build it out.
Find a space you can do the thinking and drawing. A favourite cafe, the local library, the kitchen table?
Get some large pieces of paper (flipchart size if you have it) or use a series of A4 sheets side by side as you go. Or your exercise book.
Get some pens you like to use.
Decide on time periods to use on your timeline. I suggest blocks of 5 years at a time. The block can be as long as you need for the events in that block, but don't try to make a timeline of every year. (As someone in midlife, you'll be there a bloody long time! Lol.)
So, you might start with from age 0 to 5, then age 5 to 10 and so on.
Create the outline of your timeline. You might choose a game-board approach, like I did, or a simpler line, or a series of circles like a string of pearls...whatever feels right for you.
Then, start. You might do this by asking yourself questions like these:
(It will be less helpful trying to think of every detail. Not important. Instead, think of major events, activities, experiences.)What are the major things I can remember from that time period?
Where did I live?
Who with?
What did I start?
What did I experience?
What events happened that had a (+ve, or -ve) effect on me?
Once you've mapped out time periods, I would then go back over it, from the beginning, and add key words above/below or in your time period. For example, "Freedom", or "Setting out", or "Nature" or whatever characterises your thoughts and feelings at that time.
Take decent breaks whenever you need to. This can be both exciting and tiring.
Come back again to your timeline. Ask yourself, "Right, as I look at this, what do I see?"
Make some notes either on or near your timeline on what comes to mind. People doing this might think, 'Gosh, I was so into collecting things...' or 'Actually, my home life was pretty lonely.' They might think, 'Wow. Music and sound was so central to so much of what I liked', or, 'I was always chasing <insert goal>.'
Getting this far would take time and effort, but it will be sooo worth it. Believe me. This kind of self-enquiry or self-discovery can be absolutely liberating.
Where you take it from there? Who knows.
I'll share my thoughts on that later.
Care to Share?
You know what? I would love to see what you've come up with if you're OK with that. Just send me a copy to rob@alifethatmatters.com or message me on Facebook Messenger, LinkedIn or by text +64 21 768 402.
Rob
"The first 40 years is just research" - Carl Jung